Before I begin, I really have to do my nails. I naturally have strong nails so I can grow them as long as I want. Since school year start I had to cut them short because at thee hospital we have to use our hands to examine the patients. But since I don’t have classes at the hospital anymore I decided to leave my nails grow long. But now are way too long and I literally am struggling to write this post.
Pharmacology. This is my last exam. I basically have to learn hundreds of drug names, what are they used for, all their adverse reactions and the mechanism of action. I’ve spend five days, like 12 hours per day and I still didn’t finished reading and I basically don’t think I can remember which drug is used for certain disease and for sure I can’t remember all their adverse reactions. It’s painful to spend all that time trying to learn something and to feel like you worked in vain. I have 5 days left. I really hope I will manage to remember those things. So I am asking you, pharmacology, why are you so mean to me? I basically dedicated you a lot of my time this year, you’ve been top on my list, and still, the only thing you can give me are nightmares.
Yes, I am so afraid of this exam that I started dreaming about it. I haven’t had nightmares about an exam since first year of medical school. Anatomy. God, I hated anatomy. Well, not the subject. I like to know how our body is structured, but the way it was taught in school, those old books full of things that you only need if you’re going to become a surgeon and the exam (which was horrible) made me totally hate anatomy. It haunted me for 2 years. I was so happy when it was over, you have no idea. I am so grateful that I won’t have to take that exam ever. I like to learn about mechanism. Thee subjects that only describe me things, without any explanation, for me are so boring. I like to learn things that challenge my brain, that make me think “why is this happening? what’s the mechanism of this? what are the effects?” not the things I just have to memorize. So coming back to my nightmares, yes, I started dreaming that I don’t make it in time for the exam, drug names on other thing. Usually when something is stressing me out really hard, I dream about it. And it’s not pretty. Not at all.
I have five days left and it’s gonna be over. I can’t wait, because I am tired of taking exams. I am tired of staying inside. And I am leaving for an international project in Slovenia 2 days after my exam, so it’s something to look up to. I don’t know how things work in other countries, but here we have certain amount of time at the end of each semester when we take the exams. We basically started taking exams before the semester ended to have more time to study. I think It started around May 15th. It’s been such a long time since I am constantly studying and taking exams. I just want it to be over. I am really tired and I want to do something I enjoy without feeling guilty that I don’t use that time for studying.
I also am starting to loose faith in myself that I can do good on this exam. I mean, I just don’t understand why my memory is not working. I have to try harder I guess. And I will. In those 5 days I will try to repeat as much as I can and maybe, a miracle will happen and the material will actually stay in my brain.
Wish me luck.
Here’s a song I’ve been obsessed about in the last few days. I love it.