The fear

Posted on: July 29th, 2017, in Lessons Learned.

In this blog post I will talk about fear. Fear is such a sensitive subject for me, because in the past year I let fear control most of my actions and I realized that I missed out of so many things, because I was afraid. And to be honest I hate it. Probably because I can’t control it.

You know what is the problem with fear? Once you let it near you, it takes control over your life. And I know it because I have lived it. Fear comes in so many shapes and so many colors, that sometimes you can’t even recognize it. It can be masked by so many things, especially the lies you tell yourself to compensate for the lack of courage.

I tried to remember the first time fear froze me. I was in Italy with my father when I was around twelve years old, if I remember correctly. We were at Gardaland (it’s a themed park in Italy resembling Disneyland) and we were waiting in line to go on the mountain rousse ride. I remember that when we were ready to get in, I stayed there for a few seconds, staring, without saying a world and a million of awful images went through my head. Then I ran away, because I got so frightened of the height and speed of the carousel. That is the first memory I have with being completely frozen by fear.

My fears are simple, not special. Some of them influence my life in a major way, some of them don’t. But they are there, and when I try to make a decision they own me, they make me take steps back. Sometimes, they own me when I am doing something and it results of failing. Sometimes they keep me from chasing the things I want most.

Death – I am afraid of dying young. I want to live my life and reach an certain age where I can look back and I can say: I lived and I accomplished so much. I want to have kids and grandchildren. I want to have a long career where I was able to do my best to help people. I want to make a difference, to make my contribution to the development of the community. And when I look around me, there are all kinds of unfortunate accidents. It frightens me. The funny thing is I almost died once. When I was six years old, I almost drowned. I remember that in the last second, after my life flashed before my eyes I said to myself “This is it, I am going to die.”. In that moment I accepted my faith and I was ready to die. I stopped trying to swim and I just let go. And in that moment, my father lifted me up form the water. If that would have happened to me now, I would probably not go into the water anymore. But the next year from that incident, I learned how to swim and I love water more than anything in the world. That was a moment when I didn’t let fear take control of my life.

Not being good enough – I always want to please people. I am scared to death of not being good enough, of not fulfilling somebody’s expectations. And it eats me alive. It took me a long time to realize that the only person I have to be good enough for is myself. I am not fighting for others, I am fighting for my own dreams and my own life. I am still struggling with this fear, but I always try to ask myself “What do you want? What is your belief about this? Are you proud of yourself?”. And every time the idea of what other people would think about a certain thing pop into my head, I try to block it and focus on myself, on what I am feeling. The fear is there, but I am trying to fight it. In the past year, I can say that I tried to do as I wish, what I feel, no matter what others say. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But it’s a start.

Not speaking up – I used to be somebody who would speak up her mind. If something bothered me, I didn’t care who I was talking to, I was telling what I was thinking. I got in fights with teachers, colleagues, friends because of telling what’s on my mind. And I knew I was right. Over time, I started being afraid of the consequences. But this lead to not being myself. Probably this is being related with my fears of not being good enough and losing people. But lately I tried to be sincere, I tried to say what I think, even if I knew it would bother some people. I trust my instincts and my moral compass. I trust myself for doing the right thing. And yet, at some point I started being afraid. I try to speak my mind as often as I can and I am aware of the fact that I might lose people over this, but it’s a price I am willing to pay for staying true to myself.

Exams – I don’t know what’s up with me with exams, interviews and public speaking. I get frozen and I always mess up. I guess, this fear comes from lack of confidence in myself. As I mentioned before, I had my driving exam on June 6th. I was so afraid and so scared of the exam, that I failed big time. I went into the wrong direction, I was completely unable of controlling the car, I was not paying attention to what I had to do. The only thing that was running through my mind was that “I was going to fail”. And I did. After that I was so angry at myself.I knew I was ready, I knew what I had to do and I didn’t believe in myself. I promised myself that the next time I will not let fear control me. I rescheduled on July 18th. The day before, I wrote down what I have to do before each maneuver and I acknowledged the fact that I am ready. I promised that I will focus on what I have to do and not on the fact that it’s a possibility to fail. The pressure was higher, because they changed the legislation at the beginning of July, making the exam harder, but I knew I could do it. And I did. I focused so hard on driving, and I tried to free my mind of my doubts. I even had two situations where I didn’t knew what I have to do, but I just followed my instincts and it was fine. I managed to get my driver’s licence and I was so proud of myself for being able to keep fear from clouding my judgement. In the past year, this is my biggest achievement. This experience taught me, that everybody is afraid, nobody is perfect and that you have to believe in yourself. Faith is stronger than fear.

Decisions – When I need to take decisions, I am the worst. I am scared of the outcome and I hate taking risks. Even though I want something so bad, I stumble, I over analyze the situation and end up loosing opportunities. The problem is that I want things, but I am cared to go after them. I am scared of the fact that I am going to do a mistake. Then I back out. In the end I regret it. This happened me recently and I am so angry at myself. Because I have to stop this. I have to start taking chances, even if the outcome will not always be the one I imagine. I have made so many mistakes and wrong decisions in my life and there is not one that I regret. Because they gave me some valuable life lessons, they made me who I am today. So from now on I will try tell myself this “Do you want it? Good. Then go for it and if it doesn’t go as planned, then we will deal with it.”

Fear can be good sometimes. It’s a paradox how fear can wake you up after it took control over you. Fear is such a strong feeling, and if we don’t learn to take decisions despite it, we will never accomplish anything valuable in life. Personally, I am tired of fear. I am tired of not doing certain things because I am afraid of what might happen. It limits me, it makes me forget what is important, it makes me doubting myself. And I know I am capable of many things, I know how many great things I can achieve. Now I know how to fight it: with hope and faith. These are the only two feelings I know that can make the fear go away. I know it will take time, but I believe that one day, I will start doing things despite what my fears tell me.

Don’t forget to check out the store offers. I decided to keep them up until September 1st. Also I wrote a document called 22 things my anxiety taught me. Check it out <3. Here are some questions for you, that I hope you will enjoy answering:

1. What are you afraid of?
2. How do you overcome your fears?
3. What is the one thing you would do if you weren’t afraid?

I’m doing good, mostly reading fan fictions while melting in the heat. :)

Thank you to you for making the design. =)
For me it’s pretty common to place the navigation on top above both header and content area, I tend to do it pretty often in my layouts; on the contrary, I never place it on the bottom – as some designers lately do.

1) My biggest fear is to get bitten by a snake; living in the countryside near hills, vipers are pretty common and I’m terrified that one day a poisonous snake might bite me.
2) By screaming for my dad or brother when I see a snake in my horizon and (without checking if it’s a viper or not) watching them squash its head.
3) Keep a pet snake – still not a poisonous one, why risk it?

Posted on July 29th, 2017, at 7:04 PM by Salya.

I’m fine. Just txting my boyfriend. XD Your blog is interesting.

1. Spiders mostly
2. I don’t… sadly
3. I’m unsure… owo

Posted on July 30th, 2017, at 12:23 AM by Michelle.

I am afraid of failing in life and never being good enough for myself or live the life I want. I am afraid of myself and the horrors that I hold back inside myself. I am quite the cruel and mean person inside and while I hate it, I can’t deny that aspect of myself. I am afraid of succeeding and driving. I am afraid of a lot of things and I can’t seem to get away from my fear. I am still frightened after the car accident and I am trying to get better but it’s difficult to pull myself out of the hole.

I would be functional. Hold down jobs, and actually be responsible with money again. I would be able to be me again and not this fake persona I have on me. Love the new layout!

Posted on July 30th, 2017, at 3:09 PM by Chynna.

I think fear is such a normal thing, but we shouldn’t let it get in the way of things we want to do in life. This is easier said than done, I know, but if we can conquer our fears then we can do anything <3

I am the same with exams/interviews/public speaking, as well. I understand everything perfect well, but when it comes to exam conditions I fail so bad.

If weren't so afraid, I would go in public without my wig.

Posted on July 31st, 2017, at 4:32 PM by Cassidy.

“Fear can’t hurt you, it’s a snake with no venom” I read that in a book series.

I’m afraid of losing everyone I love in some way shape or form. I know it’s irrational but still.

I’m not really sure how I overcome my fears. I usually just suck it up and put my best foot forward so I can get whatever I’m afraid of over with.

I could eat like a normal person and actually enjoy trying new foods if I wasn’t afraid of doing so.

Posted on August 3rd, 2017, at 3:51 AM by Brandy.

We have a lot of the same fears, death especially. I am also afraid of dying alone and unloved. :o

By the way, I nominated you for the Liebster award on my latest blog.

Posted on August 3rd, 2017, at 11:24 AM by Amy.

I’m also someone who’s missed out on opportunities because of fear. Throughout university I was so scared of talking to other people and going to events in case everyone hated me, and I missed out on so much because of it. This year I’ve been trying to face my fears and take every opportunity and it’s making me so much happier.

I’m scared of a lot of things including travelling, meeting new people, failing and embarrassing myself, but I’m working on getting over those fears. It’ll definitely be worth it in the long-run!

I think the best way to overcome a fear is to face it, as long as it’s a fear you can safely face. Some fears, like death for instance, you can’t really face, so I think for those ones it’s best to just put them out of your mind and distract yourself.

Posted on August 3rd, 2017, at 3:21 PM by Sakura.

I believe everyone have their own fears. In fact, I am considered to be quite timid and I have more fears than you. I guess the difference is how we deal with them. I think you are better in dealing with fears than me.

Posted on August 3rd, 2017, at 10:15 PM by Jamie.

Hey! How are you? Sorry that I have been missing in action and haven’t been commenting on your blog. It just got to the point of me wanting to take a break from it all. Ya know?

Anyways, I do have a new blog, and hope you’d update your links again. This time, I’m keeping this blog no matter what happens. I just love the extension.

I have several fears:

1. Spiders (I can actually tolerate spiders a bit more now, but I am still afraid of them, especially the big ones).
2. Clowns (After watching Stephen King’s IT movie, Poltergeist (which had a clown doll), and then an episode of Are You Afraid Of The Dark?, I just couldn’t stand clowns anymore).
3. Heights.
4. Bees – I have yet to be stung, so I haven’t a clue if I’m allergic or not.

These are pretty much standard fears among other people as well. I’m sure if I really thought about it, I would find that I have more fears.

Posted on August 5th, 2017, at 10:43 PM by Lucien.

Hakanai got a new look and new additions. come peak. :)

Posted on August 6th, 2017, at 6:25 PM by Kenny.

I’m an extremely introverted person. I don’t like confrontation. I don’t speak my mind, unless I find it’s absolutely necessary. I’m trying to be work on that but it’s difficult.

You seem to be making wonderful progress though. :)

Posted on August 7th, 2017, at 1:11 AM by Maroon Caludin.

I know how you feel. I often let my fear take over, which is when I freak out over things, and I hate it. Its such a hard thing to fight. But its awesome you’re able to! You should be proud!

Posted on August 7th, 2017, at 1:48 AM by Nancy.

Everyone has fears and it definitely affects us differently. A lot of people are shared about similar things and I guess the best way is to do whatever you can to overcome it without risking your safety. I’m always worried about something happening where I can’t help contribute to society. I’m not really a fan of having society taking care of me because that money could’ve been used for something better such as education.

I used to be worried about not being good enough for other people… It’s kind of controversial because, at the end of the day, I want to live to please myself. At the same time, I don’t want to have really low standards either.

I know I’m worried about making the wrong decision where my efforts over the years go to waste in one move.

Posted on August 7th, 2017, at 3:54 AM by Martin.

Hi, Cristina.
Thanks for the comment regarding my layout.
I’m doing well. :D

To answer your questions:
1. Nothing; this is the absolute truth.
2. Now, I don’t do anything. In the past, I literally just faced my fears. Ik. Ik. That is so cheesy, but it def works.
3. Again, this doesn’t really apply to me, but….follow my dreams wholeheartedly and unapologetically. (This is what I currently do, and I have no regrets.)

Tbh, I literally just came to the comments section to write this. I’ll go back and read the post. I owe you that, since you write very intriguing blogs. Take care and ttyl.