I often think about the fact that I am not a kid anymore. I get lost into thoughts about how everything changed and I didn’t even realized it.
It’s been three years since I left home. I was an eighteen years old girl, going to a big city on my own. I cried when I had to leave. I always wanted to be on my own, but when the time came, I cried like a baby, because I was afraid. I was afraid of the fact that my parents would not be there anymore, that they won’t guide my steps anymore, that I had to make my own decisions, that they won’t control me at every step. Even if when I was a teenager I hated them for controlling me and not allowing me to do things, in that moment I wanted them to come with me, I wanted them to control me and tell me what to do. I was insecure and I was afraid that I was not ready to face the world alone. I guess I didn’t trusted myself enough.
When I got to Bucharest and we decided to buy the apartment, they trusted me that I could handle everything on my own. My father empowered me to sign all the papers for him and this is how it started. My first big responsibility. I still don’t understand how they trusted me and knew that I was ready to handle everything. I never thought I could. And after this came other responsibilities. And I survived.
After that came making decisions on my own. Oh, I made so many mistakes, you can’t even imagine. But the difference was that when I messed up I had to fix it myself. There wasn’t anybody there to fix anything for me. I was scared, lost, hurt, I cried a lot, but I also found solutions for my problems and managed to solve them. And I did fine. I like where I am now, I love all the experiences I lived, because without them I wouldn’t be where I am now, I wouldn’t have learned so many things and I wouldn’t be able to make better decisions in the future.
The reason why I thought about all these things lately is that, in my first two years of being on my own away from my parents, I always used to call my mom and ask her “Mom, I want to do that, what do you think? Should I?”. She always tried not to interfere with my life anymore and she always told me to take my own decisions and do what I think is best. There were only a few times when she actually told me what to do. But most of the times she told me her opinion in a subtle way and then she encouraged me to take my own decisions. Lately, I don’t ask them for their opinion whenever I think about doing something, I analyze the situation and I act. And I let them know later. This is what changed. I am not afraid to make my own decisions anymore, I am not afraid that I might mess up. Now I know that I am responsible for every decision I make and if I do something wrong or if I fail something, I know that I am strong enough to support the consequences.
So yeah, in the last three years I changed a lot. I am more responsible, I make better decisions, my interests have changed and I become more aware of who I am and who I want to be, what I want to do, what’s right and what’s wrong, and what I am capable of. I am more confident, more patient, I work harder, I manage to take care of myself better. I am proud of who I became and how I managed to do good on my own. I know I have a lot of things to learn about life and I know there are so many experiences out there for me that will teach me a lot of things.
So thank you mom and dad for everything that you did for me, for the way you raised me and how you managed to make me who I am today. And most of all thank you for believing in me when I didn’t, for letting me spread my wings and fly on my own. I really hope I made you proud.
In the last few days I managed to do some work on my website. I know it’s not much but step by step I will manage to do more. Baby steps because there is no rush. I strongly suggest to enter on the content page and look at all those pages. You will find resources, tutorials, contests, articles etc. I will add more in the future. This morning I started writing a tutorial about .. well I’m not telling you. I want it to be a surprise. It’s going to be composed of many sections and I hope it will help many of you. So stay tuned. I think that until next weekend will be ready. I hope so.
I won’t have time to update like I didn’t in the past 2 days because I started my internship at the hospital today and this week I am supposed to do some reading for it. Also, at the end of the week my parents will come back from Turkey so they’ll stay here for a couple of days and next week I am going to leave town (going to get some tan on the seaside). I will try my best to update because I want to do that for you guys, I want to help in any way possible.
I am leaving you now. Have an amazing day and I hope to talk to you soon. Bye-bye.