Since I finished with my exam, I thought that it’s time to work a little on my website. When I entered and saw that the last time I wrote something was on October 19th I was like “OK, that’s a long time”. I am so sorry for that, but it’s been a lot for me lately.
Lately I’ve been kind of sad. I have a lot of thoughts and insecurities going through my mind and they made me think a lot about my life. But the thing is, I cannot end up with a conclusion about everything and I can’t get out of this mood. I am trying hard to organize my thoughts and get back to the cheerful and optimistic Cristina. The truth is since my panic attack, my life changed. I became afraid of things, I became insecure and sad. I don’t know how to fix it and I am struggling every single day to get better. I still have the hope that one day I will get there, that one day it will be like nothing happened and I will have that desire to live and do things again.
I tried these two past weeks to get involved in some projects and apply for them, but I got rejected, which didn’t do any good for my mood. I applied to be an organizer for a national exchange and I had to go to an interview. It was my first interview and I didn’t know what to expect. I failed big time, I gave some shitty answers and of course I didn’t got it. After that I entered my CV for a research project coordinated by my 1st year Physiology teacher. I had a really good CV and I really thought that I will get a spot in the team, but again I didn’t. My guess is that my average wasn’t good enough. Of course it hit me again and I became more insecure. I guess I wasn’t used to failure. This kept me thinking about what is wrong with me. Maybe it was my intentions. I just wanted to do something to keep myself busy and forget about my problems. Now I ended up not applying for any project anymore. All of them are interview based and I am not feeling ready to go there and answer questions. I will stop going for a while and try to get my confidence back again and my motivation to do good.
My Orthopedy class is over. For me it was horrible. I always hated this part of medicine, I find it so boring and it was really hard for me to study for this exam. I managed to do pretty well, but I guess not good enough. My final grade is 8.40 (I’ve got 7.30 in my written exam and 9 and 10 at my practical exams), which sucks, because I am 0.10 points away from the 9 grade. But I guess that’s life, I should’ve studied more. I am glad it is over and I am glad that I will start studying more interesting things and I am hoping I will do better in the next exams.
Besides from my failures and my bad mood, I’ve been doing fine. My cold is gone for good. After a month and half of being sick, I finally feel better. I managed to continue my driving classes and I only have two sessions left. My living room furniture came in and I bought a TV in the living room which makes me really happy, because my apartment looks finished now. It took me four years to make this apartment look like a home, but I am so proud of it because it’s my space, it has my signature and it’s everything I ever wanted.
I dyed my hair red. It was something spontaneous. I was tired of my ombre hair color and I decided that after 8 months it’s time for a change. So I chose a red dye and I went working. I love it, too bad that the colors fades day by day but I am trying to preserve it. People say that this colors suits me better than my last color. I choose to believe them.
I started watching a new TV show. It’s called Scandal. I love it, there are so many political games and it really keeps my mind occupied. I am currently at season 3 so I still have a lot of it to watch. I am planning on finishing it this week.
Since I have this weekend free I will do some cleaning, some cooking, maybe spend time with my friends and try to do some updates around here. Also I want to return all your comments. Thank you for visiting even if I haven’t been so active lately. Just so you know, I still read your blogs and your comments even if I am not commenting. Take care guys and have an amazing day.
1. How was October for you?
2. What do you think is the most important thing in life? Why?
3. How do you manage to get past bad times?