A lot of time

Since I finished with my exam, I thought that it’s time to work a little on my website. When I entered and saw that the last time I wrote something was on October 19th I was like “OK, that’s a long time”. I am so sorry for that, but it’s been a lot for me lately.

Lately I’ve been kind of sad. I have a lot of thoughts and insecurities going through my mind and they made me think a lot about my life. But the thing is, I cannot end up with a conclusion about everything and I can’t get out of this mood. I am trying hard to organize my thoughts and get back to the cheerful and optimistic Cristina. The truth is since my panic attack, my life changed. I became afraid of things, I became insecure and sad. I don’t know how to fix it and I am struggling every single day to get better. I still have the hope that one day I will get there, that one day it will be like nothing happened and I will have that desire to live and do things again.

I tried these two past weeks to get involved in some projects and apply for them, but I got rejected, which didn’t do any good for my mood. I applied to be an organizer for a national exchange and I had to go to an interview. It was my first interview and I didn’t know what to expect. I failed big time, I gave some shitty answers and of course I didn’t got it. After that I entered my CV for a research project coordinated by my 1st year Physiology teacher. I had a really good CV and I really thought that I will get a spot in the team, but again I didn’t. My guess is that my average wasn’t good enough. Of course it hit me again and I became more insecure. I guess I wasn’t used to failure. This kept me thinking about what is wrong with me. Maybe it was my intentions. I just wanted to do something to keep myself busy and forget about my problems. Now I ended up not applying for any project anymore. All of them are interview based and I am not feeling ready to go there and answer questions. I will stop going for a while and try to get my confidence back again and my motivation to do good.

My Orthopedy class is over. For me it was horrible. I always hated this part of medicine, I find it so boring and it was really hard for me to study for this exam. I managed to do pretty well, but I guess not good enough. My final grade is 8.40 (I’ve got 7.30 in my written exam and 9 and 10 at my practical exams), which sucks, because I am 0.10 points away from the 9 grade. But I guess that’s life, I should’ve studied more. I am glad it is over and I am glad that I will start studying more interesting things and I am hoping I will do better in the next exams.

Besides from my failures and my bad mood, I’ve been doing fine. My cold is gone for good. After a month and half of being sick, I finally feel better. I managed to continue my driving classes and I only have two sessions left. My living room furniture came in and I bought a TV in the living room which makes me really happy, because my apartment looks finished now. It took me four years to make this apartment look like a home, but I am so proud of it because it’s my space, it has my signature and it’s everything I ever wanted.

I dyed my hair red. It was something spontaneous. I was tired of my ombre hair color and I decided that after 8 months it’s time for a change. So I chose a red dye and I went working. I love it, too bad that the colors fades day by day but I am trying to preserve it. People say that this colors suits me better than my last color. I choose to believe them.

I started watching a new TV show. It’s called Scandal. I love it, there are so many political games and it really keeps my mind occupied. I am currently at season 3 so I still have a lot of it to watch. I am planning on finishing it this week.

Since I have this weekend free I will do some cleaning, some cooking, maybe spend time with my friends and try to do some updates around here. Also I want to return all your comments. Thank you for visiting even if I haven’t been so active lately. Just so you know, I still read your blogs and your comments even if I am not commenting. Take care guys and have an amazing day.

1. How was October for you?
2. What do you think is the most important thing in life? Why?
3. How do you manage to get past bad times?

12 Comments
Posted on: October 29th, 2016
Category: Life

I’m so sorry about what happened to you, I know some people who have had panic attacks too and I’ve seen how bad it can get, so I really hope you get through this. I think it’s a good decision to stop applying or looking for projects, you have to focus on yourself first. I hope everything goes well soon :)

Posted on October 29th, 2016, at 7:57 AM by Claudine.

Sorry to hear things haven’t been going well for you. Hopefully, things will get better for you. I know it can be disappointing when you get rejected, but keep your head up high. Make a path for yourself and go down that path. Maybe something good will happen. You just never know until you tried it. I truly believe it because I did exactly the same thing and now I’m living a good life.

Here’s a quote that could help you: “Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.” -Anon. I also have another quote on my blog site if you ever need some motivation. Hope that helps.

1. How was October for you? It was good.
2. What do you think is the most important thing in life? Why? Make the most it while you still can. Finish college, get a job in the field that I’m interested in, finding love, and maybe have kids.
3. How do you manage to get past bad times? I like to listen to music or read quotes.

Posted on October 29th, 2016, at 9:05 PM by Brice.

Welcome back (in a way), Cristina. :) I remembered how you struggled with Orthopedy (Orthopedic Surgery?) before because somehow it’s not peaking your interest, but sometimes it’s about the presentation of the class (maybe the professor?) or how the class structure was designed. Maybe if it was designed in a different way, it would probably help more. :) It’s like me and math-related classes, but that’s another story. ^^

And on to your questions LOL.

1) HOW WAS OCTOBER FOR YOU?
I’ve always October as “Adri Month,” as my birthday lies on this month (October 14). However, this is one of the rare times when this month began on a really bad note. I don’t remember if I’ve talked to you about it, but I’ve mentioned a bit of it in my blog. But as the ending of this month is nearing, there is always a bit of a rising. I recently got callbacks from two of the three job openings that I applied for. I already had my interview for my first one last Wednesday, and my second will be sometime in Nov. 15. And of course, Halloween is coming up (not quite a priority for me as an October baby but still :P).

2) WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE? WHY?
Family is the most important thing to me. If you have some time reading the blog entry I just linked, you’ll see (in a way) why. Success (in general) is another important thing to me, not just for my own satisfaction, but if this particular success also benefits others as well as myself, it makes me a lot more confident about myself and that it helps me believe that I can do many things without thinking or feeling that I can’t. (sometimes anyway)

3) HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO GET PAST BAD TIMES?
Talking with your closest family and friends help a lot. Sometimes just writing my frustrations out in my journal app (not published in blogs. sorry that’s private LOL) helps also. And most of all, do other activities other than my usual habits to distract myself from “everyday life” makes me forget all the bad times and help me look forward ahead to the better times.

Posted on October 30th, 2016, at 6:39 AM by Adri.

I know how you feel!

I’ve been having a hard time with anxiety and such for the last year or so. Mostly happened after issues at work (partly due to anxiety and partly due to morons). After that I kinda lost my confidence. My mom thinks that’s mostly why I have a hard time. And it can be so hard to gain back!

But don’t let it get you down. Maybe those just weren’t the right projects for you! You’ll find something!

But yay for finishing your apartment! And its always awesome finding a new show!

Posted on October 30th, 2016, at 6:29 PM by Maroon Caludin.

October was disastrous for me. Most of the year has been like that for me, and my husband since our car accident last December. I’m still trying to get over bad times and cope. Just be strong and weather the storm.

Posted on November 1st, 2016, at 2:34 AM by Michelle.

Hm…for me October was pretty uneventful -all that happened was I turned 36 and I purchased a new domain. Currently, November has the potential to be a lot more eventful, hectic, interesting…but I won’t know much about that until next week or so.

I wish I knew what the most important thing in life is – some people will say that it’s your relationship with God, family, and friends. While I agree that all of those are important, I think the most important relationship that you have is with yourself. Because there are times when you’re going to feel like all of those relationships have abandoned you, and you have to find the strength to survive on your own.

As for managing to get past bad times, all you can do is take it one day at a time and remember that they will eventually end. <3

Posted on November 1st, 2016, at 6:18 AM by Jessica.

1) October went very good…because my birthday is in that month, so I’m always excited for it; I didn’t get gifts this year – money is tight – but my mum made my favorite (along with pizza) dish ever, baked pasta, and my aunt also made a strawberry cheesecake for that day so it was awesome. :)

2) Family, of course, it’s the only constant. Family (at least proper ones, who aren’t always defined by blood) will never leave you, will always have your back, will always let you achieve your dreams and, if you ever stray, they will always fight to bring you back on the right path.

3) I drown myself in what I like most – web design, movies-watching, books and mangas – until the bad time has become a mere memory.

Posted on November 1st, 2016, at 2:31 PM by Lucien.

I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling sad lately. Hopefully you’ll get out of it soon. Don’t worry so much about your Orthopedy class. We all have classes in our field of study that we’re not the best in. It won’t matter once you get your degree

Scandal is very popular here in the U.S. but I haven’t had a chance to watch it yet. I guess I’ll have to start when my school lets out for break in December.

October was absolutely crazy for me and I can’t believe how fast it went by.

I think the most import thing in life is happiness because we don’t really have a point of being here if we’re not happy.

I do lots of things to get past my bad times. I take advantage of my free time by doing things I love, whether it’s going to the rec facility to swim or doing some sort of art of just laying down and listening to music, focus on the instruments or the lyrics.

But don’t worry, you’ll get through this. I know you will 💓

Posted on November 1st, 2016, at 10:40 PM by Cassidy.

October haven’t been well bunch of family drama and Hurricane Matthew.

Important in life is being with close friends that help you through tough times and their support.

Listening to music and looking at Kyungil pictures helps get me through the bad times.

Posted on November 3rd, 2016, at 9:51 PM by Pim.

Sorry you’ve not being feeling great lately. Just keep going, you’ll get there! I tend to watch a funny program or eat chocolate when I’m feeling down, and that sometimes works for me.

I’ve been neglecting my blog a bit lately, also. I’m finding it hard to find time to visit all the blogs I want to. I love so many!

My October’s been pretty busy. I’ve been seeing my friends a lot and preparing for Halloween so it’s been quite hectic. Probably going to be busy until Christmas!

Hope you’re okay!

Posted on November 6th, 2016, at 5:30 PM by Amy.

Sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling down lately :( It can be hard to experience rejection, but I think they can be good learning experiences too. Interviews are hard and also hard to prepare for, but the more you do it, the better you’ll get! I think it makes sense to take a break and then try again when you feel more ready. I hope you’ll feel better soon!

I’m glad your cold is gone and are feeling better on that front! I love the feeling of getting new furniture. It feels good when you can personalize the space you live in :) That’s also great that you like your new hair color!

As for your questions, October was pretty busy for me, since I was trying to finish a costume for Halloween. I think the most important thing in life is figuring out what works for you and what makes you happy. It’s different for everyone, and sometimes it takes time! To get past bad times, I try to focus on things I love to do, mainly my hobbies. I like to feel productive :)

Posted on November 8th, 2016, at 11:40 PM by Cat.

It’s too bad you haven’t been doing well. Hope you’re doing better in November. Remember that in the midst of our failures, we are being refined. Just keep trying. It’s good that you’re applying for these projects and positions. It’s good preparation for when you look for a full-time job. You aren’t really failing if you keep trying.

October went by like a leaf, blown away by a gust of wind, too quickly. It was a good month for me though. I hosted my first board game night. I started learning how to play the Ukelele. My ballroom teacher won a lifetime achievement award, and I got to see some of her students from the 1970s come to visit from far away.

I think the most important thing is to love others and to love God. Jesus is what’s most important because he never changes and he is always there, always in control. He is our refuge and strength. Everything else is transient. That’s what I believe.

To get past bad times, I remind myself that God is in control, to not be anxious, but share what I’m struggling with with others, and with God. Talking it through with people and with God helps. I’m no longer carrying the burden by myself.

Posted on November 9th, 2016, at 8:07 PM by Sue.